Woes of the Innkeeper, No. 5

OK, it’s been a while since I have done any innkeeper bitching.  More out of laziness than lack of material.  And it isn’t even that today’s annoyances are more unusal or anything.   Anyway…

I have been on and off the phone with this lady, who just checked in, for the past week, I don’t know, nine, maybe ten times. 

“This is ____________ calling about Room #3.  Can I get the last minute special for late week after next?’

“This is ____________ calling about Room #3.  If I get the Romantic Weekend Package can I substitute a bottle of Night Train for the champagne?”  (For real…)

This is _____________ calling about Room #3.  Can we get the discounted rate for another room and stay in Room #3 instead.  I like that it has a hot tub (which it does not have…) and a king size bed but I don’t want to pay that much for the room.  I’d rather spend that money at a fancy restaurant.  Know what I mean?”

Yes, I know what you mean, and I cannot believe you think that is actually a good question to ask me.  Despite what my grandfather always taught, there are stupid questions.  That is one right there.

Surely I spent more on long distance calls to and from this woman than I will make on her weekend stay (and I have a very good long distance plan) but she did eventually book Room #3 and checked in right on time this afternoon.  For those of you who are accustomed to my Woes of the Innkeeper series you will know that Pet Peeve Numero Uno for this innkeeper is a guest that does not arrive at their designated time.  So at least she held up that end of the bargain, even calling to let me know she was going to be a few minutes late because of traffic in the ‘burbs. 

But I still expected some drama and those of you in the know also know that drama is something I secretly enjoy a wee bit, on some sick and twisted level…  So when she and BF arrived and did not carry on about how fabulous this place is or how tasteful are my Christmas decorations but instead sniffed around like Eunice and Mama from the Carol Burnett Show, nose and mouth all twisted up as if expecting to find a dead rat shoved around behind the toilet or something (good thing she doesn’t have access to the pantry…but that’s a story for another post… hopefully tomorrow), I was secretly and inappropriately delighted.

Not 20 minutes after I left them alone to begin their weekend of Romance did the front door bell ring (dammit, the front door bell just rang again….hold on a minute….

OK, my other guests just arrived, right on time I must say, but they too kind of have their noses all bent out of shape as if they are expecting me to do something perverted or underhanded or something.  But at least the old lady did say the house is pretty…Jesus, why do these malcontents always come in packs…dammit someone is ringing the buzzer…it’s going to be a long weekend!)

Anyway, so the door bell rang.  I run up the stairs to find the first set of guests have barricaded themselves into the vestibule by the front door while Milo and Buster stand wagging and drooling out in the foyer.

When I open the leaded glass door, BF says, “My lady is afraid of dogs.  Go lock ‘em up!”  (Who says “my lady”?)

Now if you have ever seen my website (shameless plug:  www.blockkellerhouse.com) you will know that the boys are all over the place.  They even have their own page, for Chrissakes!  And this is exactly why.  I cannot have some guest show up who is afraid of dogs and then ask me to “go lock ‘em up!” 

“Didn’t you see the dogs on the website?’  I asked as nicely and as un-accusing as I possibly can (and yes, I’m a good faker when I have to, believe it or not…).

“No, I didn’t ever see the website,” she lied.  “My girlfriend made the reservation for me.” 

And after all the stupid questions she had asked me for the past week?  Really? 

Well, too f’-ing bad!  Milo and Buster have free reign of this house and believe me, especially this weekend! 

They need a bath.  I’ll save that for Monday…

~ by jellebry on December 19, 2008.