Sometimes you just gotta say “FU!”

Why is it that I feel like shit even though I haven’t done anything wrong?  If anything, I am the one who’s been done wrong to!  I feel guilty for nothing.  In fact I’m even proud of the way I have handled the whole thing.  Instead of allowing myself to get walked all over, like I usually would do, I said, “No!  Fuck you!  I deserve better than this from those who claim to be my dear friends.”  I think that is what is appropriate in the situation.  If your very good friends think it’s ok to treat you like a punching bag or a big  joke it’s not just acceptable to say “Fuck you!” but required.  Otherwise you deserve to be their punching bag or big joke.  No?

So once again, how come I’m the one that feels like shit?  I’m pretty sure this offending friend (ha!) isn’t feeling too badly about the way things turned out last night.  Doubt it has even crossed his mind that there might be anything wrong.  Except for the rather strange way things ended.  Surely he just chalked it up to my being melodramatic or something.  Surely it can’t have anything to do with his behaviour.  Surely not!  God forbid!

Whatever….

All I know is that things have got to change.  And I don’t necessarily just mean with me.  I think I’m a pretty great guy.  I try to be interested in the things my friends are interested in.  I am a pretty decent listener.  I’m a lot of fun to be around (mostly…)  I try not to be too needy or overtly insecure to the point of exasperation.  I make a kickass meatloaf.  Share my liquor freely.  Pick up the check when I can.  Support my friends endeavors, even when I think they are whacked.  I hold the door, even for women.  I don’t tell peope they look great when they don’t, but go out of my way to tell them they look great when they do.  I laugh at their stories, even if they are funny.  I will always allow myself to be the butt of a good joke (wherein lies my problem…).  These don’t seem, to me, to add up to someone so deserving of this kind of crap.

So what to do?  Guess exactly what I did do.  If you want me to be the butt of your joke, that’s cool.  Just give me a smile, pat me on the back and give me a fucking break.  Otherwise, well I guess, like I just said.  Fuck .You!

I still don’t feel any better…

~ by jellebry on December 6, 2008.